Paris.

Αλλιώς την βιώνεις την ευτυχία στα 20, αλλιώς στα 25, αλλιώς στα 30.

Φαντάζομαι, αλλιώς και στα 40 και πάει λέγοντας.

Υποθέτω, η ευτυχία είναι καθαρά υποκειμενική, ανάλογα με τα θέλω και τις ανάγκες που έχεις μια δεδομένη φάση της ζωής σου.

Ναι, αν ήμουν τώρα πριν 5 χρόνια, αλλιώς θα το αισθανόμουνα αυτό.

Αλλά τώρα, right now, είναι ... διαφορετικό.

Πολύ γήινο.

Γειωμένο.

Ασφαλές.

Τόσο, που μου δίνει τη δύναμη να πετάξω χωρίς να φοβάμαι, χωρίς αυτήν την ασφυχτική ανασφάλεια να με καταπίνει.

Είναι τόσο διαφορετικό που μου είναι ξένο.

Και παράλληλα, τόσο επιθυμητό που μου είναι γνώριμο.

Και το οξύμωρο της κατάστασης με εκπλήσσει γιατί, εκεί που νιώθεις ότι τα έχεις δει όλα, τσουπ, σου έρχεται νέο επεισόδιο.

Και είναι... ενδιαφέρον... το λιγότερο που μπορώ να πω.

The Question You're Afraid To Ask

Where were you?

That day, that first day, that day, years ago.

Where were you?

I was at work.

Yeah.. I figured that much.

It's more than two decades later and even though this thought has been on my mind for weeks, I had just this morning felt ready to utter the words to you.

Where were you that day?

Or maybe what I really needed to say was, why weren't you there?

I don't know, it just came to me, so organically this morning over coffee, I looked at you while you were talking about some family dinner menu and I just muttered "Where were you that day?"

"I was at work" you said.

Yeah...

"I wasn't supposed to work that day, I was supposed to take you, but I got called in at the last moment".

Yeah.

I understand.

"I wanted to be there that day".

Okay.

"You have no idea how awful I felt".

It's twenty something years later, I'm having a glass of wine in my house with the balcony doors open, it's way over midnight and it actually just hit me. And it finally made sense to me:

Why I'm always an asshole to those who are willingly and openly there, and why I crave the ones who are not.

Sunday Thoughts That Probably Won't Make Sense Until You're There

And yet, it always begins and ends with us.

You have to sort yourself out first.

Understand.

In order to heal.

Forgive. Others.

But don't forget to forgive yourself too.

And heal through that.

Accept.

What has come and gone, what has happened.

You are not your mistakes.

Love yourself.

Take care of yourself.

Listen to that person that lives in your body.

It takes time.

Accept the present situation.

Setbacks can be little blessings in disguise.

But don't lose sight of your goal.

Go where your heart desires.

Once you get on the right path, things start to fall into place.

But you gotta keep going.

Circulate.

If your blood doesn't circulate, you die.

So you gotta keep on moving.

Through the hard, the ugly and the good.

Be thankful.

And don't overthink it all.