Wish List

I've been staring at the screen for some time now.

I don't know exactly what to say.

This is how it goes;

People tend to tire me lately. Most people I mean. And instead of putting myself through that mental agony, I'd rather stay alone.

Or hang out with those precious few that do not tire me. Mentally or otherwise.

Lately, more than ever, I have this craving for things that feed my soul. It is no longer negotiable. I need to feel spiritually, emotionally, mentally (I can go on for a while, but I'll stop here 'cause I have a feeling you got the picture) fulfilled with the things I do, the people I interact with, the conversations I have and the time I spend.

I'm standing here. It's okay if I don't fit it; I probably don't want to anyway.

This is me; and I feel comfortable in my skin. I'm not bulletproof; people can still be very hurtful, but I hope I'm stronger than before. I know for sure I'm more content than I ever was.

But still, there was just something... couldn't put my finger on it. Maybe it's all this that I've been going through the last year; this emotional exhaustion, this lost feeling, this sadness that didn't allow me to feel (dare I say) "alive"? Or just plain excitement, about anything. It's like the happy, excitement button in me is off.

And all of a sudden, when you least expect it, the unexpectable happens. A thing, so small, that switches on whatever was switched off in you for so (God so) long. And before you know it, I'm jumping up and down in the house, at the prospect alone of it being a possibility. That small.

And yet, for me, where I'm coming from? It was the hugest thing ever. The kind that brings yearning hot tears to your eyes. The kind that makes you whisper "God I want it so bad" in case it hears you and goes away.

So yeah, I guess I do have a wish list afterall.

Sometimes, you think you have no idea what you want. Until it's there, and you know.

You just know.

And I've been waiting for it a long time.

And such moments are above and beyond words. There's only the sound of something... undefined. And it's all you need.

In that very moment.