Falling Away

It's been a while since this last happened.

The abrupt waking in the middle of the night and staring at the ceiling while desperately wanting a cigarette.

But too messed up to even get up.

Waking up in the middle of the night from such an intense fucked up dream and you lay in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about ... nothing really.

Just "fuck".

So I'm supposedly on a roof, and I wanna sit on the edge.

But I slip.

I see the street bellow, cars and people are coming and going, and I slip and can't even grab onto anything.

So, I'm falling.

And I realize that I'm falling to my death, that, this is it Tinks, damn such a fucked up way to go, didn't even plan it to be this way, such a shame.

And as I'm falling, I am completely calm. No panic, no fear, nothing. Content that I'm gonna die, even though in such a pathetic way, by slipping from a roof of an apartment building, I mean how pathetic man, but it's happening and I'll be a distant memory pretty soon and there's no stopping it. I'm already falling.

People from the street below have noticed me; I can hear their shrieks and cries of concern and shock, but I'm completely calm. Calm down guys, nothing to do now, it was an accident, just look away, it'll probably get messy.

And all of a sudden, as I am -peculiarly- gracefully falling to my death, there's someone there falling with me. A guy. Holding my hand. But he's afraid. I hear him mumbling, oh boy, oh God, no, and I feel his grip tightening on my hand.

Peculiarly, it calms me further.

By now, the ground is so close, I know it's coming, I just hope it doesn't hurt and just knocks me out instantly, and yet I reach the ground standing up.

I literally, fall to my death, standing on my two feet.

But wait, I didn't die?

I'm literally standing on my two feet -can't remember if I'm in heels- after falling from that high up, and people are looking at me amazed and shocked.

I feel no pain, nothing in particular.

And I'm alive.

And I just... walk away.

Literally.

And I wake up startled and lay in bed, my body in pain and my mind a complete blank.

I saw you that night.

And it fucked me up. More than I like to admit and I hate myself for it.