I went away for a while but landed straight into my life, barely realized the transition.
Sometimes I feel I'm still caught somewhere in between. In limbo even. My friends say I look 'better'. Calmer is the word.
But on such a night, I feel like going up to the roof. Throwing myself over the little wall and sitting on the ledge, my feet dangling over the street below.
I wanna look at the cars going by, the sky above and breathe in the crisp air. I want a quiet place away from it all to think; yes, immerse myself into those thoughts I don't have the time to allow them to overcome me.
So I do it. Throw on a warm thick coat, take my pack of cigarettes and head up there. I like blowing out my smoke, watching it dissolve into the nothingness of the night. It makes me think of us really; what are we? A moment in eternity. We think we're invincible but instead we are vulnerable and as solid as smoke.
And as I'm thinking to myself the ironies that underline the human nature, I hear footsteps behind me. I don't even bother turning around.
I know it's you.
I don't bother offering you a cigarette, you have your own now. And as you light up, I throw away my cigarette butt and look into the sky, fighting back my tears and I can't even bear looking at you. You say something, but it sounds so confusing, gibberish even.
We don't speak the same language.
And yet, here we are, side by side and we are a million miles away from each other. As if from a different galaxy. The sky's beautiful; dark, but lit up by a million stars and a half moon. And it's so calm and beautiful and you're there, I'm there and yet, we're still on the dark side of the moon.
Always have been I guess.
"I miss us" I whisper as I breathe in sharply, to stop that sob caught in my throat from coming out and tearing me down.
And with that, I get up and come downstairs. To my busy life, where there's no room for silly Wednesday night thoughts like this one.
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