If a writer falls in love with you, you can never die.

Δευτέρα, 16 Σεπτεμβρίου 2013

Exiting The Comfort Zone

What would you rather be? The big fish in the small bowl or a small fish in the ocean?

I've been asking myself a lot of things recently. More like, rhetorical questions, considering I have no answers, or even the slightest idea on how to reach anything remotely close to a decent answer.

There were questions, self doubt, tears, feelings of being scared climaxing at times to a state of panic. And then I was on a plane and I was okay. Completely calm and composed. Still no idea on where I'm heading to, what I'm gonna face and how, but I was calm and composed and not on any prescription pills.

It hit me yesterday. But in a good way. I was walking down the street and all of a sudden, I grin at myself. Cause I'm looking around me and it feels so surreal; I actually did it. I said 'fuck it all' and jumped out of my comfort zone. Not without a price. But damn it felt good.

I've got a lot to figure out. Right now, I'm rediscovering me. Maybe this was long overdue; maybe I owed it to myself. Maybe I was just ready for it now. Maybe the timing was simply suitable now. The point is; I have a lot to think about. A lot to realize and discover about myself. Where do I want to go from here? Have I been on the right path? Is this what I want my life to be like in 5 years, lets say? I'm at a crossroad; and I have no idea where I want to go. And I'm hoping I'll discover it soon.

I've been battling with feelings of not-being-good-enough for a very long time. I guess I'm trying to prove myself, to myself?  Is it my need to regain my faith, my respect in myself? I just know that I'd hate myself if I chickened out and didn't do it. And trust me, I was thiiiiiiis close to doing exactly that, more times than I'd like to admit.

Some were supportive. Others were not. My own father plastered me with doubts -but he got over that. Some were curious. Border lining 3rd degree questioning. Others were indifferent. But the ones that mattered, were happy for me -my dad included.

As for me? I still don't know. But I do know that I haven't hopped in the street in a really long time. Happy danced in my kitchen in a really long time. And grinned at myself on an idle Saturday afternoon while walking down the street.

Something's gotta give eh?

Καλή βδομάδα.

8 σχόλια:

  1. What ever your new adventure is stand tall and proud cause this choice is yours. Be brave have fun dont look back as its all infront of you now. Good luck

  2. Σκεφτόμουν τώρα τελευταίως ότι είναι καιρός για καινούργιο ποστ από εκεί που είσαι... Καλή αρχή! Τα υπόλοιπα ξεκαθαρίζουν στο δρόμο συνήθως. :)


  3. Είναι όμορφο να έχεις μπροστά σου μια καθαρή σελίδα, άγραφτη, έτοιμη να γεμίσει με νέες γραφές.
    Οι απαντήσεις θα βρεθούν στην πορεία.
    Καλή διαδρομή :)