Πέμπτη, 28 Νοεμβρίου 2013
Nope, I'm not pissed off. Nope, I'm not fuming. I'm just taking a deeeeeeep breath because it feels good.
Simple isn't it? To be happy? Content? Positive? But could we ever be just that? Happy, content and positive, with all that ego going around inside us, eating us inside out? Hanging onto things that tarnish us, people that suck the love out of us. How could we ever be happy, content and positive when we put ourselves through hell just for our ego, to just be fucking right?
Στον μεγάλο μου περίπατο εντόπισα πολλά λάθη μου. Εντοπίζω ακόμα. Είπα πως δεν θέλω να είμαι πια αυτό το πλάσμα. I don't want to do that anymore. Είμαι πολύ εγωίστρια and half the not nice things that happened to me, I think I brought them on myself. Because of my ego. Because I couldn't let go. Because I couldn't not be right.
I don't wanna be that person anymore, I wanna be happy. Go all Buhdish or something. Because στον μεγάλο μου περίπατο, I made me happy with nothing. With noone. And I physically and mentally survived. Επομένως, αν κάτι ή κάποιος με χαλάει, and I try to fix it but it somehow still won't work, maybe I should let it go, όσο κι αν πονάει.
And that's what I did. I let go of things. I let go of people. Situations. Even feelings, if they offered more crappy stuff than pleasure.
I simply cannot do that to myself anymore. I don't want to do that to myself anymore.
I feel.... upgraded. Refreshed. Or is it rebooted? Restored to an earlier state, before things rubbed off on me?
I'm trying different things. New things. I'm sleeping better. I look younger, calmer. I am calmer. And I try to find joy in the little bits and moments. I am making an effort with the people I have chosen to include in my life. I still bite my tongue with those I have dismissed from my life because -damn that ego of mine!- I'm human and some things hurt and bother me, but I will not allow anyone, or anything, suck me into misery. Their misery.
It's only gonna get better. Once you realize. Once you understand. Once you figure it out. Yeah.