Κυριακή, 16 Φεβρουαρίου 2014
I'm ugly. On the inside. I'm horrible. Like something out of a horror movie. A thing. An ugly thing.
If you cut me open θα δεις σκουλίκια, στάχτη, spider webs. Βρωμιά. Ένα χάλι. Την απόλυτη ασχήμια που ούτε θες να δεις, πόσο μάλλον να αγγίξεις.
I'm ugly. And when you're ugly on the inside, δεν μπορείς καν να κλείσεις τα μάτια για να την αποφύγεις. It's there; you can't get away from it.
If I hear someone bashing you, I'll bite their head off. Eat their heart out with my bare teeth.
And yet, there are times, that I think the worst of you. Especially when my heart is breaking. I'd take a bullet for you, and yet there are times, I'd fire the fucking gun and plant a bullet in your head.
It's all inside. You can't see it. That's why it's dangerous; you have no idea how ugly I really am.
So ugly, that this lyric 'I wanna break your heart and give you mine' could easily describe me lately.
So ugly, I can barely look anymore.
I left a white rose outside your door. No card. No nothing that could say 'tinkerbell'. And yet, you knew. You knew it was me.
And I just... I was horrible to you. An sms shitting all over it because I'm ugly on the inside now.
It's one of those situations that, no matter what you do or say, is wrong because I'm so broken right now.
And I'm horrible because you're sick and I felt relief. Not because you are having a rough time, but because you are not having a good one. How can I claim to love you, when I feel this twisted about you? How can I love you, when I'd be bitter if you were happy?
I know.. It's the lust/passion bit that's getting the better of me. Αλλά ναι, σε θέλω ακόμα. Σε θέλω. Τόσο που δεν μπορώ να το πω, παρά να το ψιθυρίσω. Τόσο πολύ.
Yes, I'm ugly. It's terrifying. Κοιμάμαι, ξυπνάω, and you're there. Everything in between is just... self preservation. The bed felt warm again this morning. And you weren't there.
And there are times it gets out of hand; I get out of hand. Και ηρεμώ όταν ακούω τη φωνή σου. Τον τρόπο που μου μιλάς. Λες και γαληνεύει η ψυχή μου. Αυτό το θηρίο, και παίρνω ανάσα. Until next time.
I'm scared. Για το πως έχω γίνει έτσι.
And I don't know what to do.