Sleepless. Again.

Ooookay.

I've been through this before. This is not unknown territory to me okay? And honestly? I don't think I can do it again. I'm too tired to do it again. Maybe I'm too scared to do it again.

I just don't want to, so lay off okay?

*sigh*

*SIGH*

I woke up at 6a.m., eyes wide open after just over three hours of sleep. Nightmare after nightmare. Three days in a row now.

I can't do this. I'm just sooo tired.

No, tired is an understatement actually, because this baby is e x h a u s t e d. Mentally, physically, emotionally, you name it, exhausted.

I really don't wanna do the pill thing but lately it's the only thing that can get me a good 8 hours of sleep.

I'm stressed. I'm emotionally reaching my limits. I feel I can't relax. There's this on going anxiety that oozes out of my mind and soul and fucks me up completely.

Because apart from the messed up sleeping schedule, I have anxiety during the day, I can't focus easily, I'm always distracted and generally I'm very very stressed.

And as you may suspect, I'm smoking full force again.

*sigh*

There's just this thing, this lingering feeling, as if something is hovering over me. Can't put my finger on it. But can't shake it off either.

So I wake up at 6 am, my body aching from what I don't know, and I'm trying to go back to sleep, not only because I'm tired, but because I wanna stop thinking.

God I wanna stop thinking.

It reaches the point of almost confusing what's real and what's not sometimes. And yes, I do understand how creepy and messed up that sounds.

I mean, really, what do you do? How do you abort this? How do you go back to rainbows and sunshine and unicorns and shit?