Τρίτη, 3 Μαρτίου 2015
My back teeth hurt like hell, I must have been grinding them in my sleep.
And what is this lump on my neck?
I'm so tired right now I could sleep for a month.
Can't stand too much noise or strong lights.
Yeah, I could use a looong nap.
No thinking. No feeling. No deciding. No debating. No being. Just... sleep.
I'm going through a transition. I guess I'm nervous. Scared even maybe? But what troubles me is how unable I am to focus. Just, gather my thoughts and focus on one thing and get it done.
The other thing that troubles me, is my -almost- complete lack of excitement. I've told myself for so long that I'm worthless and that it won't get better, that I've paralyzed that part of me that actually believed, or was willing and/or capable to be optimistic.
People ask me, why aren't you excited? I just stare at them blankly; why are they asking me this and yet, I understand that in a way, they do have a point.
I feel completely detached.
And this headache is really not helping me.
Lately, I've been trying to train myself to look at things differently, more positively, try to eliminate the jumping to the worse-case-scenario head-first attitude I've been dragging around recently.
I was doing okay but then I got distracted and... yeah, now my head hurts.
I need to get some rest.
And a first class ticket to Babylon.