Τετάρτη, 25 Μαρτίου 2015
I've been through this before. This is not unknown territory to me okay? And honestly? I don't think I can do it again. I'm too tired to do it again. Maybe I'm too scared to do it again.
I just don't want to, so lay off okay?
I woke up at 6a.m., eyes wide open after just over three hours of sleep. Nightmare after nightmare. Three days in a row now.
I can't do this. I'm just sooo tired.
No, tired is an understatement actually, because this baby is e x h a u s t e d. Mentally, physically, emotionally, you name it, exhausted.
I really don't wanna do the pill thing but lately it's the only thing that can get me a good 8 hours of sleep.
I'm stressed. I'm emotionally reaching my limits. I feel I can't relax. There's this on going anxiety that oozes out of my mind and soul and fucks me up completely.
Because apart from the messed up sleeping schedule, I have anxiety during the day, I can't focus easily, I'm always distracted and generally I'm very very stressed.
And as you may suspect, I'm smoking full force again.
There's just this thing, this lingering feeling, as if something is hovering over me. Can't put my finger on it. But can't shake it off either.
So I wake up at 6 am, my body aching from what I don't know, and I'm trying to go back to sleep, not only because I'm tired, but because I wanna stop thinking.
God I wanna stop thinking.
It reaches the point of almost confusing what's real and what's not sometimes. And yes, I do understand how creepy and messed up that sounds.
I mean, really, what do you do? How do you abort this? How do you go back to rainbows and sunshine and unicorns and shit?