If a writer falls in love with you, you can never die.

Τετάρτη, 25 Μαρτίου 2015

Sleepless. Again.

Ooookay.

I've been through this before. This is not unknown territory to me okay? And honestly? I don't think I can do it again. I'm too tired to do it again. Maybe I'm too scared to do it again.

I just don't want to, so lay off okay?

*sigh*

*SIGH*

I woke up at 6a.m., eyes wide open after just over three hours of sleep. Nightmare after nightmare. Three days in a row now.

I can't do this. I'm just sooo tired.

No, tired is an understatement actually, because this baby is e x h a u s t e d. Mentally, physically, emotionally, you name it, exhausted.

I really don't wanna do the pill thing but lately it's the only thing that can get me a good 8 hours of sleep.

I'm stressed. I'm emotionally reaching my limits. I feel I can't relax. There's this on going anxiety that oozes out of my mind and soul and fucks me up completely.

Because apart from the messed up sleeping schedule, I have anxiety during the day, I can't focus easily, I'm always distracted and generally I'm very very stressed.

And as you may suspect, I'm smoking full force again.

*sigh*

There's just this thing, this lingering feeling, as if something is hovering over me. Can't put my finger on it. But can't shake it off either.

So I wake up at 6 am, my body aching from what I don't know, and I'm trying to go back to sleep, not only because I'm tired, but because I wanna stop thinking.

God I wanna stop thinking.

It reaches the point of almost confusing what's real and what's not sometimes. And yes, I do understand how creepy and messed up that sounds.

I mean, really, what do you do? How do you abort this? How do you go back to rainbows and sunshine and unicorns and shit?

4 σχόλια:

  1. Εγώ στην θέση σου θα έβαζα αρχικά άδεια απο την δουλειά αν μπορείς φυσικά, να μείνεις λιγάκι σπίτι να ηρέμισεις. Να μπορείς τουλάχιστον να ξαπλώσεις λίγακι ανα πάσα στιγμή να χαλαρώσεις. I believe that you think too much! Και έγω έχω αυτό το θεματάκι, όταν με προβληματίζει κάτι ή αρχίσω να σκέφτομαι έντονα κάτι (μπορεί να μην με αφορά άμεσα κιόλας) χάνω τον ύπνο μου! Give your self some rest! Κάτσε στο καναπέ σου και μην κάμεις απολύτος τίποτε just sit there! Empty your thoughts! Give your self some time alone!

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    1. Ωραίες συμβουλές, αλλά καλώς ή κακώς, δεν μπορώ να λείψω από τη δουλειά. Και η ανυπαρξία του καναπέ επίσης δεν είναι option στην περίπτωση μου. Πρέπει μέσα στο χάος που υπάρχω, να μάθω να κάνω handle όλο αυτό που αισθάνομαι. Σε ευχαριστώ πολύ όμως xx

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