Πέμπτη, 6 Νοεμβρίου 2014
One Woman Show
That's why I say "my house" and I feel it to the bone.
I've always been a very independent and self sufficient spirit. I've also been an outspoken one. I grew up in house where it didn't matter if I was a boy or a girl because I was brought up to believe in and respect equality. I grew up in a country that respects and believes in equality, gender-wise, sex-wise, religion-wise. Therefore, I have learnt to respect others, but I also demand respect back.
In my work environment, I often feel that I am competing against my gender. As if I have to prove that because I am a woman, I can be capable. And I believe I have been doing pretty well so far. But at times of upheaval, I feel that my skills, my motives, my personality even, come into question. As I said, I'm an outspoken confident individual. Which is great if you're a man, but if you're a woman, these characteristics are often met by scrutiny.
If I go in a meeting and they don't like what they hear, my mental or hormonal stability are questioned. If I have ambitions and work (keyword, work) to achieve them, I must be money driven or sleeping with the boss. And in cases were I express my anger or disapproval, I'm just a woman that over-estimates herself.
In the above cases, if I were a man, we'd probably get into a heated argument for 3 minutes, before opening a bottle of scotch and toasting each other.
Of course I cannot change the world. I'd be a fool to even consider myself capable of doing that. However, I have a choice; and I choose to be me, stand up for what I believe in, even in cases where it will backfire. Because if I succumb once to whatever stereotype they think I should fit in and stay put, I'll just be opening the road for them to keep on doing it.
I demand respect. But I understand that it's something that is earned. And noone respects a pushover.
And God knows I've never been one.
So here I am, wondering what tomorrow will bring. Feeling insecure, but confident in what I have done and how I have handled it. It disappoints me that I have been doubted because I'm not one of the boys. But for the past 9 years I've been a one-woman-show in a man's world.
And I think that says a lot about me.